Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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