This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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