I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
