ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
