I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is Oprah even human
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
