If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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