thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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