ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
