It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
