the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
