So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
