He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
