Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
