what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
false alarm. still invincible.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
