i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
