You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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