i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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