ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
