I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
