Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
