Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
