Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
