Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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