my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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