woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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