I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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