Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Randomize
