I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
