Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
