talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
