U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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