I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Please don't give away my fajitas
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
