I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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