My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
