Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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