So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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