I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
