Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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