it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
