Small penises have feelings too.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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