Welp...herpes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
