Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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