I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
