New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
