omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He passed out mid-signature
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
