Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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