i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
