she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
