i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
