i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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