she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
