How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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