I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
