i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
